"Thank you very much..."
author: Leon Botha
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Hergen Fekken - BP Volkswagen Corporate day at Rallystar
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No matter who or what you are – there are certain things that are so rare that they leave an impression forever!
You also get people who manage to turn a difficult thing into something that looks like a piece of cake!
This was the third year that Volkswagen brought their multi-million-Rand-Rally-Equivalent to the incredible Circ de Soleil to Rallystar.
After all the organising, when Desiree of Volkswagen was finished with me and things were sort off what she expected for the clients, I felt like sleeping for a day or two instead of hanging around to see what Volkswagen/BP and their VIP customers were up to!
To do justice to this incredible show, you need to have a look at the main players!
So lets start at the beginning ...
At dusk the service crew arrived at the track in the great looking rig loaded with three lime-green almost fluorescent Polo’s on its back!
The various other engineers, computer specialists, and sundry personnel pitched a bit later and then slowly but surely the show started to take shape.
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"What the hell is this behind us?"
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Amazingly, right there in between everyone I noted the “kingpin” walking around grumbling in the early morning air!
Who could that be? Michael Johannes Sacobus Petrocelli Barnard – of course!
His main job was firstly to keep the three very competitive drivers apart, then get them into their own cars and keep them calm so that they could at least take a number of customers around the track before the paw-paw or some similar object hit the fan!
Nothing short of a miracle – nothing short of incredible to see all come together.
Then a bit later when everything have been sorted out and all were ready the unsuspecting customers arrived!
Now this was a sight to enjoy. Obviously some of them have been standing next to rally routes in the past, selecting their various heroes and criticising the rest, but not many of them have managed to do better than 137km/h on a highway, let alone clear a jump on the Rallystar Super Special at better than that!
Now you need imagination....
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Alanie Botha-Austin getting ready for some fun
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You live somewhere in Sandton, Waterkloof or a similar area where the inefficient authority tries to make up three overpaid person’s salary from your property tax!
The pinnacle of excitement in your motoring life was when you made a squeekie pull-away on a BP Service station driveway after seeing a rally poster – or when you got away after exceeding the speed limit because the cop was busy taking a bribe from someone else?
The biggest excitement in life was when you won the R2400 jackpot at a Casino after playing R3222 into the machine or when you got away from paying the first month’s maintenance because your ex-wife’s attorney’s cousin forgot to give you a bank account number?
Ok, so you are a rather average Joe with a screwed up marriage and a four-wheel-drive vehicle that can spin on slippery cement and you arrive at Rallystar all dressed up in racing-shoes, Gucci shades, cravat, Jeep shirt complete with Blackberry and Mont Blanc peeking out of the labelled pocket?
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Hergen - doing the dip down...
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You actually knew that you were going to have a bit of fun?
The rally Polo actually does look fast on TV and you expected a bit of dust to be generated while the engine noise sounded sweet in your ears as you sat there looking cool?
Right?
Wrong!
No matter in which of the three Polo’s you decided to climb to join in the fun – no matter how well prepared you thought you were for this experience – your biggest concern should have been how to scream and hold firm control over all your valves at the same time! Something like extreme multi-tasking?
The pull-away – which you did not expect anyway was a bit of a stomach-emptier as you were not ready and you did not concentrate on the right or is that wrong valves?
The fact that your upper lip and helmet both moved about three inches up and to the back, while your knuckles cracked after a shot of pure adrenaline hit your hands and the spit in your mouth moved back so fast your hurt your vocal cords – were the least of your problems!
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Habig - dip down ....
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You simply screwed up the “Lord’s prayer” in your mind as you forgot whether it was “Our Father ...” or “Dear Father..”
Before sorting that out, you managed to roll your eyes back to front and you noticed that there was a corner coming up that did not look sharp at all from where you stood looking over the track a while earlier.
The corner was now reeled in at a speed that would have kept a shark on top instead of in the bloody water after being caught and to top it all the stupid driver must have fainted next to you from that forking reckless pull-away!
The problem was that he fainted with his foot on the petrol pedal and you are going to die a messy death!
You looked at the two levers on your right – you knew you had to pull one or at least try to, to save both lives – but try as you may your brain refused to allow any of your hands to release the belts you are clinging to...
“Oh very dear Father who .....”
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Different strokes for different okes - Enzo dips down....
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Then suddenly there were a flurry of hand, foot and arm movements...the car was sideways facing in the wrong direction, then before you could scream to draw the driver’s attention to this, it was facing in the other direction and all of you were accelerating through the gearbox chasing down the road to the next corner and more of the same, except you now managed to scream as well!
The jump ahead of you looked twice as high as the stupid thing did when you were outside the car and as you re-concentrated on all the valves you also noticed that there was only clear skies ahead of you, then suddenly you were diving down into the ground – something like that Pearl Harbour movie you saw when you were safe in front of the TV?
Then as suddenly as it started it was over!
After wiping the spit from you face and re-arranging your lips and Gucci shades that thought they should act as contact lenses – you got out of the car with rubbery legs thanked all and sundry for the “incredible experience”.
It was like thanking a quack for a massive injection?
I mean you were completely forked up – nothing worked properly – nothing will ever be the same again, your heart by-pass operation and pacemaker were completely out of sinc, your expensive tooth caps are now pointing out of your mouth and your breast implants moved right up to your shoulders!
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On the limit - Jan Habig being his side-ways self!
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“Thank you Enzo....”
“Thank you Jannie ...”
“Thank you Hergen ....”
“...and may your grandma’s chicken lay vrot eggs for the rest of their miserable lives!”
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"I knew we were not going to make it around that first corner" - John Robbie
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John Robbie summed it up very well when he said on departure, “I knew we were not going to make it around that first corner!”
It is amazing that at least 90% of those who attended would be back immediately given half a chance?
Once again – well organised, perfectly executed and professionally done - a great experience for one and all!
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Stefanie Hugo on her way to get a few pointers!
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