Here we go again!
author: Leon Botha
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Leon Botha
Genuine Zimbawe qeue -" I say old chap - is this the garage where they delivered fuel last night?"
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With a possible war looming, interest rates not being lowered because they were jacked-up so high they can not be reached again, no fuel in Zimbabwe, North Korea threatening to produce a few atom bombs to sell to Bin Laden, a Goggaman appearing in Pretoria court, scaring the hell out of the police and all around him, the good news is, …….
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Leon Botha
Mr Bean Laden
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…….hang-on I will be able to think of something.
Car prices? No not good. Inflation – don’t really know what it is, but it’s not good. Arrive Alive? Well if they carry on with their successful campaign there will be a definite decline one of these days, when nobody will be alive enough to drive.
The drivers licence issue? – the newspaper published a statement where the person in control, I didn’t even bother to look up his name again, (allegedly) said that if you do not have your licence by the end of February, you will be fined R500 everytime they catch you, so bring your R122 plus another R40 or so, and get a temporary licence.
So take four pics, an umbrella, padkos, toebroodjies, suntan lotion, tekkies, ‘n moerse dik boek, bietjie bubble gum, earbuds, tootpicks and a portable radio and get your arse in the queue. Why the bubble gum? Well so that you can chew back when somebody chews near you. Why the toothpicks? So that you can burst every bubble they blow with their bubblegum. it also helps to stick a toothpick through the persons cheek.
Oh, almost forgot, he also said that if you have outstanding traffic fines, “don’t even bother!”
Ok, now listen carefully my bra, you make me stand in a queue for a day, holding my four photographs in my hand, money hidden in my sock, cell phone tie-strapped to my wrist, shades superglued behind my ears, chewing bubblegum and looking very content to form part of the new rainbow nation, happy with the traffic fines infringed on us (what else do you call someone hiding behind a bush or a bridge in the shade? Must be an infringement? ) while potential accidents are doing 72km/h, catch speed wobbles because of the third wardrobe door caught a crosswind on top of the converted panel van, with 14 collapsible seats and standing room for all those not sitting?
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Leon Botha
Any one for a lift?
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Listen my bra, if I get to the front of that line, and someone tells me I have a traffic fine outstanding in a country where most registration numbers are duplicated, where the second colour on the car is still wet under the latest metallic white it has been spray painted. A country where your number plates get changed in parkades if the thieves are not happy with your car’s general condition, and leave it for you to battle on with; then my bra, Wattloo will wish I went for a licence to Centurion, and, or vice versa.
My single brain cell tells me that you can not be punished for any crime the state has not proven yet or, are we heading to such a situation where Einstein or his cousin behind the counter decides that I should be punished?
Hey, meneer, you looks like an ou I saw skipping a stop street about a week ago. Did you has a moustache, or not? And when you try to tell him that you do not have a car, he looks at you very sceptically and says: “Ok, so now you lost your car as well. Stand aside we will handle your case later. Ons weet hoe om met ouens soos jy se sake te werk!”
The state admits screwing up many very serious cases, but may the Lord have mercy on your sole, if you have a traffic fine outstanding. I would love to test a case like this in court where I am refused a licence because of some unproven alleged traffic violation. I suppose that is why an almost definite murderer gets R5000 bail and a person who travelled at 182 (I think) had to pay R10 000 bail to get out. And you wonder why few things in the system really work.
I suppose that is also why newspapers publish statements by medical funds that say you do not have to worry that they will take you to a State hospital in case of an accident. I have been thought that you try to save especially when times are hard. Give me one reason why hospitals need to deteriorate and be dirty because there are not enough funds. Pray tell me why there are not enough funds?
Ok, so we are looking for good news?
Well, as I said, we made it (I hope you did) through the holidays. I suppose that is good?
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Leon Botha
Slightly used Tombstone for sale
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Now we have to make it through the new points system that is going to be slapped on us. A system that will be controlled by money changing hands through car windows, and if you do not have the cash, that Rolex could be worth a few points, but your MasterCard will make up nicely.
Well, let’s wait and see, we may be lucky and have some good news by next week.
We may just be able to tell you a bit more about a possible WRC event for 2004. Now that will be good news?
See you then! I hope!
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